On Fridays, it feels extra good to laugh…

“Hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody and they meet at a bar.”
Drew Carey

 ”I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.”
Wendy Liebman

“My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.”
Paula Poundstone

“A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?’ she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.”
Jake Johansen

“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”
Bob Ettinger